Upside Down

I have always described our family's life of living with autism as a roller coaster ride.  The kind of roller coast that has really high hills but that also have really low points.  The kind of roller coaster that turns upside down at times, sometimes at times you don't even expect.

We got turned upside down yesterday and didn't see it coming.

Jared has been having a great year in school.  He loves high school. 
And when he is having a good year, we also have a good year.
We were coasting along, enjoying the scenery, enjoying the ride
and
the roller coaster flipped us over.

Jared got sick while at school yesterday.
That is bad - but is not a huge deal.

The flip comes in the fact that he didn't tell anyone that he didn't feel well.
He didn't tell anyone he was sick.
He didn't tell anyone he needed to help.
He didn't tell anyone he needed to leave class and go to the restroom
(his anxiety levels are out of control when it comes to using a restroom that is not at home)
And since this issue was a hidden issue for the most part, he spent part of his day before his sickness was realized.

Letting someone around you know that you need help/assistance is a skill that Jared doesn't have.
And it is a skill that he needs to survive in this world.
One we concentrate on at home, school and the community.
But one that is so very tough for Jared.

When he got home and I tried to talk about it with him, he sobbed.
I couldn't understand and he couldn't completely verbally say what happened and why, but he did say the words
AFRAID
NERVOUS
SAD.

This type of day breaks my heart COMPLETELY.

It is a reminder of
how much autism impacts his life,
how much autism will continue to impact his life,
how much anxiety he deals with on a daily basis,
how much I want to protect him from having to deal with issues like this.

So last night was one of those rough nights for me.
And today, we get back on the roller coaster.
We ride this roller coaster everyday - not because I want to.
We sit down in my seat and get ready for today's ride.
Not sure what today will bring.
Hoping that today will be a smoother ride, so that we have some time to recover from the last one.