Numb

Jared received in home speech and educational services through infant/toddler services in our county beginning when he was around 18 months old. 

Once a week, a speech teacher came to our home and worked with him and me on language skills.  Once a week, an educator came to our home and worked with him and me on language and social skills.  They were very sweet people. 

They tried  hard.
Jared tried very hard.
I tried very hard.

But as Jared approached 2 1/2 years old, his language skills, attending skills, sensory issues, and fine motor skills didn't seem much different from where they were when we began the whole early childhood intervention.

And I found out that once you reach age 3, you age out of infant/toddler services and into something called Part B services.

So another group of people came out to our home .... and....
asked lots of questions....
tried to get Jared to do tasks...
most of the time tried to keep him in the same room.

Then we got invited to a central county office, where we sat around a table...
my husband and me
the county speech person
the county social worker
the county psychologist
the county occupational therapist
and a few others.

We sat there as each person read their report.

It was one of the most HORRIFIC experiences of my life!

Troy and I both were NUMB.
Numb: 1. Deprived of power to feel or move normally.  2. Emotionally unresponsive.

Hearing all the things that my son could not do. 
Hearing how his language skills were similar to a three month old.
Hearing how he was behind in almost every area (except gross motor - he was a great runner).

I had no idea this was what we were in for that day.  Totally Numb!

After each person read her report, we were asked if we had any questions.

What??  Questions??  I was full of questions. 
But I couldn't even speak.
I just shook my head to indicate no -
and they moved on to the next report
as we sat there...numb.

Then they offered us something called an IEP with goals and objectives that someone in a special education preschool classroom was going to work on with Jared.
These were all ready put together prior to us arriving.
They read through all of this paperwork with us.

Again... any questions??
Again I just shook my head no.
Numb.

They said to sign here, here and here.
Then we left with a handful of papers and information that we would soon receive a phone call about the special education preschool class orientation.
They stayed in the room waitng for the next parents to arrive.
This was "old hat" for them.  One set of parents after another.  Week after week.  Year after year.

But for us....
Numb.

(By the way, several years later, I am a little more versed in IEPs.  I now understand that we should have seen those testing results at least two days prior to that meeting, in order to better digest them and figure out our questions.  I now know that we are as much a part of the IEP team as everyone else, and we have input on goals and objectives.  These are things I make sure to share with others, as I know what that numbness feels like).