Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Autism Roller Coaster

Most parents I talk to, who have a child with an autism spectrum disorder, will tell you that they experienced GRIEF when their child received that diagnosis.

And that was true for me also.

I went through the stages of grief that someone would go through if someone close to them died...

Denial....

Anger.... (plenty of that)

Guilt... (what did I do to cause this?  what should I have done differently?)

Hopelessness....

Most people who talk about stages of grief say that the last stage is acceptance.

And yes, I did get there.  But not right away.

Today, I can tell you with no uncertainty, I love my son just as he is - autism and all!  If someone where to offer me a magic pill today that would suddenly "take away his autism", I would give it to Jared to take - but only for him and not for me. 
See I would give it to him because I know how hard he has to work at language and communication and living in a world that does not see things the way he does.
But the pill would not be given to him for me. 
Jared's autism makes him who he is.... and he is WONDERFUL!  And I love him and all his quirks and flaps and sweetness and naivety. 
I no longer find myself trying to fix him.

I do try to help him find coping strategies to live in a world that is not very structured - in a world that is so difficult for him - ABSOLUTELY!

Also, I have to say, that periodically, I go right back into the GRIEF - and hit all the stages again. 

Things come up like...

driving,
dating,
sleepovers,
birthday parties,
friendships,

and I experience grief again. 

When my daughter gets invited to a birthday party, I grieve over the fact that my son has not been invited to a birthday party since he was 5. 

When my oldest son got his driver's license, I grieved over the fact that Jared will not experience the thrill of turning 16 and getting a driver's license.

However, now the stages go by much quicker! 
Sometimes very quickly!

The autism roller coaster doesn't have as many valleys as it used to. 
The ride is smoother. 
Yes, there are still some valleys....
but we are much quicker at getting to a place of moving upward and onward.

We still go up and down...
but the roller coaster has changed
from one of those crazy roller coasters where people feel dizzy just looking at them...
to something a bit more manageable...
And it seems that the general direction is now more upwards.

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